Shirley J. Davis (Morgan) · Written at the start of 2020

Change. It is one thing no one can avoid, and it comes more often than we’d like. There will inevitably be changes in the coming year, some we will like and many we will not.

How do we find our way through the maze of changes coming into our lives? What can we do to cope? Those are two questions I’d like to address in this piece.

Navigating the Maze of Change

I’ll look back in a year and ponder how prophetic this sounds. By then, I will have wound my way through the twists and turns that change has wrought in my own life.

There will be deaths, births, a presidential election, and many other momentous events in 2020 that will, directly and indirectly, affect each of us. The maze of change will catch us off guard and force us to look hard at ourselves and wonder whether we will thrive, or sometimes even survive, what it throws at us.

The most significant thing to remember as we all slide down the slope of time is that change is part of life, so why be afraid of it? Why not face change with courage and determination?

Oh, I know, some changes will take the wind out of us and knock us to the ground. However, we have a choice. We can lie there and not get up, allowing life to happen to us, or we can take up the reins and make the best of the changes that we can. In other words, be resilient, and no one does that better than a survivor.

How to Cope with Change

There are as many ways to cope with change as there are human beings on planet earth. Below are the coping skills I know and have used in my own life.

Recognize that things will change. Practice not being in denial about change. It will come no matter how you buck against it. Relax into change and roll with it; after all, what choice do you have? When the winds of change blow, tell yourself that you are capable of handling it and that, whatever the change is, you will persevere.

Talk yourself through change. Give yourself regular pep talks, in your mind or out loud, about the changes happening in your life. Practice mindfulness and recognize what and how you are feeling about what is going on. If there is fear, admit it, and ask yourself why you are so fearful. Remember, even death is a natural part of life, and recognizing just how mortal we all are can help you get through.

Recognize that good change is stressful too. Positive changes, such as the birth of a child or a graduation, can be a significant source of dread and stress. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that flood you when you think of the good changes in your life. It is okay to feel apprehensive or even fearful over good changes, just as over bad ones.

Don’t isolate; seek support. No human can go through life without reaching out for support sometimes. The forces of change can make us feel alone, frightened, and like victims, so we need someone we can talk to who will listen without judgment. If you have no friends or relatives who fit the bill, seek out the help of a mental health professional.

Allow yourself to vent. When you feel overwhelmed by the changes happening in your life, it is good to vent to the trusted person you have chosen. Tell them how frustrated or afraid you feel, and allow yourself to pour it all out. Then, after a set length of time, calm yourself and move on. One cannot live in the emotions that accompany venting for too long without getting lost. It’s good to be angry and express it, but do not live there.

Be proactive. Take charge of what you can in your life and work to prevent the situations that are within your control. Figure out the steps you need to take before something bad happens, and do what is necessary. If you are worried about your health in the coming year, go to the doctor, get more rest, move your body, and take care of yourself. There are dozens of ways to be proactive and avoid some of the harmful changes that could come your way.

Cut yourself a break. Many events in the coming year will be beyond your control. Resolve to make some changes in your life, but remember you are only human and liable to make mistakes or fail. Allow yourself room to be human and have fun in life. Laugh often, enjoy your friends and family, and be grateful for the things you have rather than spending time wishing for the things you don’t.

Write down what you learned from a change. Once in a while, sit down with paper and pen and write down what you have learned from a change in your life. If someone has died, write down what you learned from that person while they were alive. If a significant health problem has cropped up, write down what you have learned about yourself during the crisis. Write down things you are grateful for from a change. That is more difficult than it sounds if the change was a bad one, but in recognizing what you are thankful for after a significant change, you ground yourself in today and leave the hurt behind.

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn’t stop for anybody.” — Stephen Chbosky

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” — Rob Siltanen

© Shirley J. Davis. Shared on Ivory Garden with the author’s permission.