Library · Shirley J. Davis
The Life-Limiting Process of Ruminating Thoughts
Five steps to stop going over and over the past.
Living with the after-effects of childhood trauma is a daunting task. Healing can take decades, and the scars remain for a lifetime. However, there is a human habit that makes matters worse for those who wish to move on from an abusive childhood: ruminating.
This article will examine what ruminating thoughts are and how they negatively affect the lives of survivors.
The Facts About Ruminating Thoughts
The ruminating thoughts in this article are intrusive, excessive dwelling on negative experiences and emotions. In our context, they are thoughts that follow a history of trauma, where the person is unable to stop thinking about the trauma or how it has affected their life.
Some conditions are well known for ruminating thoughts, including depression and dissociative identity disorder, plus many more.
People ruminate for many reasons. The American Psychological Association gives these common reasons:
- The belief that ruminating will bring insight into one’s life or a problem. While this may be true, contemplating without action is a mental health crisis in the making.
- A history of trauma in childhood or adulthood. The person may concentrate far too much on what happened in the past and not acknowledge the accomplishments of the present.
- Being overwhelmed by emotional stress from situations beyond one’s control. If the situation is beyond the person’s control, ruminating will only weaken their ability to handle it.
To be clear, everyone has ruminating thoughts from time to time. They become a problem when they persist over long periods and harm the person’s mental health.
Five Steps to End Ruminating for Good
Ruminating on the past or on our problems does not solve them; in fact, it can make things worse. That is the biggest reason to consider the following steps.
Step 1: Put troubling thoughts into perspective
Can you change what happened in the past? Can thinking about it over and over make it better or make the pain go away? What can you do to make today better? What have you learned from the experience you have been ruminating on?
Asking questions to test the thoughts rolling around in your head can give you a new perspective and let you move to the next step.
Step 2: Look at your triggers
When you notice you have been ruminating, ask yourself what triggered you to go back in time and think so hard on those moments. Was it something someone said or did? Was it the time of year? What made you begin to ruminate on that particular topic?
Chances are you’ll be able to recognize what triggered your rumination, and by doing so, you take power away from it. Knowing that a time of year or a particular situation might trigger rumination will help you find ways to dismantle the trigger’s power over you.
Step 3: Reach out to someone else
This step may be the hardest, because the last thing a person wants to do when caught up in ruminating about the past is to be social. We all tend to isolate and avoid others to protect our ruminating.
However, when you reach out to a friend, meditate, or attend therapy, it becomes easier not to isolate, and to get out of your head and into today’s life.
Choose your friend wisely, because someone who ruminates along with you will not help. Instead, you may both end up depressed and holding each other down.
Both meditation and therapy give you a different kind of mental exercise and a whole new perspective on the problem you’ve been stuck on for so long.
Step 4: Readjust your goals and make lifestyle changes
Having life goals is terrific, but if you have set goals that are too lofty or hard, you may ruminate over them as failures. Instead, readjust your goals to make them realistic, based on who you are today and where you want to go. Keep in mind that life is an adventure, not a destination, and it can change abruptly for better or worse at the drop of a hat.
Celebrate the accomplishments you have already made, and be ready to celebrate future ones as well. If you fail at a life goal, step back and look at it through the eyes of self-compassion, not the criticism that fuels so much rumination. Ask yourself what you have learned, then readjust your goals and move on.
Make the lifestyle changes that will make you happy, and enjoy the process. Don’t get so caught up in making the absolute right choice for fear of failure. Embrace the chance you may fail, but also expect yourself to succeed.
You only fail if you do not try.
Create a support system of family, mental health professionals, and friends to help you if you find yourself slipping back into rumination. Let these people know what you are working on, and allow them to help you see things from another perspective and redirect your thoughts. Let them also boost your self-esteem by reminding you of what you have already accomplished.
Step 5: Plan and act
Instead of allowing yourself to fall back into ruminating, plan to prevent it and act when the need arises. Mentally rehearse the steps you need to take to address what is bothering you, and write them down. Be specific and realistic.
Writing down what is bothering you moves the dread out of your mind and onto something outside it, which helps quiet the negative thinking.
After writing down the problem, make a plan of action with steps to overcome it. Then, once the mental work is done, take action to address the problem and, with it, the rumination.
There Are No Magic Tricks Here
Defeating ruminating thoughts takes effort, and there are no magic formulas or shortcuts. The only way to defeat rumination is to decide on a course of action and take it.
I wish I could say it will be easy to follow the five steps above, but I would be lying. It takes hard work and determination to overcome a lifelong habit, and ruminating on the past is one.
Just keep in mind that the future is only as bright as you allow it to be. If one wishes to live wrapped up in past abuses or failures, there is nothing anyone else can do to change that. It is up to each of us to decide to move on from the hurts of the past, but believe me, you will be glad you did.
“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.” — Roy T. Bennett
“The sooner we let go of holding on, the sooner we can hold on to the beauty of what’s unfolding before us. Nothing was ever meant to stay the same forever.” — Julieanne O’Connor
© Shirley J. Davis. Shared on Ivory Garden with the author’s permission.
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