Library · Shirley J. Davis

You Are Good Enough

A fragile, wonderful, imperfect human being — and that is enough.

Shirley J. Davis (Morgan)

“I wrote this piece and posted it to my blog. Interestingly, I got few replies to it. I think people simply cannot accept the message it conveys. However, I want you to think long and hard on what it says, because every word is true.” — Morgan

Survivors who struggle with DID and other trauma-related disorders often fight feelings of being inferior or not good enough. We focus so much on our downfalls and mistakes that we lose sight of the good things we do and the positive traits we bear.

In this piece, we shall examine what it is that makes a person good enough.

Why Don’t We Feel Good Enough?

Many times, the reason we spend so much time feeling not good enough is that we have so much negative self-talk going on in our minds.

Not only does our inner critic put us down, but it also replays the messages we heard during the trauma we survived. If we were told we were ugly, we internalized those words and began to believe that we were unattractive and not good enough.

To counteract the inner critic’s negative messages, repeated over and over again, we need to go to war.

The first battle is to take away the power the inner critic has over how we see the good we have done and our successes. The inner critic would have us believe they are puny or unimportant, but by taking a long, hard look at them, we can realize that we have done some incredible things in our short time here.

The next battle is to end the ruminating thoughts that enslave your mind. Thinking over an action for a time is healthy and normal, but ruminating over it, beating yourself up for a mistake in judgment or a public error, isn’t. We need to remove the inner critic’s ammunition by stopping our ruminating thoughts and replacing them with solid, positive thoughts of hope and compassion for ourselves.

The last battle is balancing acceptance of yourself with self-improvement. It is good to accept yourself as you are, but that needs to be balanced by your drive and chances to grow as a person. The inner critic has no ammunition against self-improvement and self-acceptance together. Its voice will quiet, and it will lose the war for your peace.

What Does Good Enough Mean?

Being good enough means a lot of different things. In fact, there are almost as many definitions of good enough as there are people on planet earth. However, we can explore some of the most basic and unchangeable things that make a person good enough.

Being good enough means you were made to be you, as you are, on purpose.

There has been no mistake; you are the person you are on purpose, and you were put in this place at this time on purpose. You belong here on this planet and have a place here, whether you feel that way or not.

You cannot escape the human condition, and you should not want to, for it is beautiful in all its complexity. There is loveliness in brokenness and in how you live your life every day. Even your struggles are stunning, because only those who are genuinely alive do battle with life.

Between the sorrowful days, there are bright and sunny days where you can shine in your uniqueness, offering your presence to a lonely world. You are needed, you are vital, you are a binding force on planet earth.

How Do We Become Good Enough?

Now that’s a brilliant question. How do we change ourselves so that we are absolutely good enough?

First, we need to conquer our fear and believe in ourselves. Survivors often undervalue their worth to the world, thinking they have nothing good to contribute, but that is not true. Survivors like you and me are much needed in the world, to add our voices and bring sanity to the insanity around us.

Second, we must begin to accept that we are beautiful people, inside and out. With all our injuries, scars, and imperfections, we are lovely people who deserve compassion and love. As an unknown author put it, “Oh, my darling, it’s true. Beautiful things have dents and scratches too.”

Third, we become good enough when we look in the mirror and see ourselves as we truly are, without flinching away. The image looking back at you isn’t a monster from the pits of hell; it is you, and you are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” to quote the Bible. There is nothing about you that isn’t special and unique, and that in and of itself makes you enough.

You Are Already Good Enough

There is no need to remake who you are as a person, and no need to conform to someone else’s definition of good enough.

You don’t need to lose weight
You don’t need to get a different haircut
You don’t need to buy the right car or motorbike
You don’t need to run with the right crowd
You don’t need to earn more money
You don’t need fame
You don’t need a college degree
You don’t need a high-status job

You are good enough just as you are, if you are:

A mess
A jumble
Someone who cries into their pillow at night
Someone who embarrassed themselves at work
A person who lost their way in substance abuse
A parent questioning their every decision
Someone who loves their children
Just because you are you

You are good enough because you can grow and change.
You are good enough because you continue to fight and to become.
You are good enough because you are not trying to prove yourself to anyone.

Nor do you need to.

You are a fragile, wonderful, imperfect human being, and that is enough.

“At the end of the day, darling, you are enough. You always have been. It may have taken you a while to see that and to finally reach this place, but you have always been enough.” — Lacey Ramburger

“Our world needs you right now; don’t take your life. You matter, you are enough, and you are more.” — Olawale Daniel

“Sometimes it takes getting pushed to the very edge before you can find your voice and courage to speak out again. Sometimes it takes hitting that rock bottom to realize you’re done descending, and it’s time to rise. Sometimes it takes being told you’re nothing—being made to feel like you’re nothing—to help you see that you are complete. YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.” — Mandy Hale

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