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Therapy · Getting Started
Red Flags in Therapy
Not every therapist is the right fit — and some may even cause harm, intentionally or not. These are warning signs that a therapist may not be safe, supportive, or trauma-informed.
Major red flags
- Never okay: any romantic or sexual contact, or requests to meet outside of therapy for personal reasons. This is a serious ethical violation and can be reported to your state’s licensing board.
- Dismisses or minimizes your trauma (“That doesn’t sound so bad.”)
- Pushes for details too quickly or without consent
- Blames you for your symptoms or past abuse
- Ignores boundaries, tries to be a “friend,” or overshares about themselves
- Invalidates your identity, parts, or diagnosis (e.g., “I don’t believe in DID”)
- Makes you feel afraid, ashamed, or confused on a regular basis
- Does not respect your pacing or triggers
- Has rigid rules with no flexibility (especially around missed appointments or payment)
Caution signs (may not be unsafe, but worth discussing)
- You leave sessions feeling worse, without clarity
- The therapist seems unfamiliar with trauma or dissociation
- They don’t collaborate — it feels one-sided
- They shame you for coping strategies instead of exploring them
- They change your diagnosis without explanation
What you can do
- Talk about it in session — good therapists welcome feedback.
- Bring a support person (if allowed).
- Write down your concerns after each session.
- Trust your gut — if you feel unsafe, you don’t need to stay.
Looking for someone new? See Where to Find a Therapist and Questions to Ask a Therapist.
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